It’s so easy for me to notice. No matter how much they may deny it, I know for a fact that they’re tired of me. I annoy them, I bore them, I make things awkward and uncomfortable for them; they just don’t want me around anymore. It hurts even more trying to convince myself that I’m wrong, even though it’s plain to see. I feel pathetic for putting in effort to keep people in my life that don’t want me around.
I don’t know what I want anymore. It’s like everything I was ever so sure of suddenly became fragile and broken right in front of me. Or was it happening behind my back before I even knew? It’s scary. Like living in a world with no reflection. I can only see ahead of me and I’m sure this world is beautiful, but I have no idea what I have to present to the world and I’m starting to believe that it sees me as ugly. I feel like I’ve been hanging on to false hopes all along. How everything I thought I had secretly killed itself to get away from my grasp… I feel so unwanted that I kill things without ever having the intentions of doing such a thing. So I don’t want anything. I don’t want to break anything. I’m already broken myself.